Dreaming or Dying

Woooooow ... I haven't blogged for AGES.. it's actually quite embarrassing ..hahaha.. oh well nothing quite like getting back on the horse aye.

So much has happened since I last wrote, I moved to the other side of the world, successfully completed two years of Bible College, have made some amazing friendships, been completely transformed and changed for the better, finally being the person I want to be whilst living the life I want to live.

This week I have been captured by a video I saw on facebook talking about not living for work driven by money but asking the question "What would you do with your life if money was no object?". It is really thought provoking stuff but it is this quote that really struck me "Better to have a short life spending it full of what you enjoy doing rather than have a long life being miserable". It forces you to ask the questions of what am I doing with my life? how am I spending it? am I doing what I love or just merely paying the bills?

Whilst pondering this I remembered a dream or a desire I had in my early 20's to help troubled, wayward and rejected teens express their feelings through graffiti murals and other art forms and then hold an auction in the community for this art to be sold. For years this dream has stayed dormant, totally idle and completely forgotten because of my own lack of self-esteem and self-confidence UNTIL yesterday when I saw this video and God brought it all back to memory and it came alive again: the possibilities, the hopes, the vision and that's when I realised that if money was no object I would make that dream happen, which then made me think I wanted to see that dream happen with or without money.

It made me realise that if you're not dreaming you're dying.. haha.. I know you might think that it sounds over the top but from my experience I was so focused on myself: what I wasn't, what I should be, what I needed to be that I never actually allowed myself to dream, I never could believe that I would do something great. So this is why I use the word dying because although I was alive I wasn't growing or producing, I was regressing.

I have made a decision to read one book a month that is based on a life that made a difference, there are so many people past and present who believe in change and made it, people like:

Martin Luther
Nancy Wake
Hudson Taylor
William Wilberforce
Martin Luther King
Winston Churchill
Eleanor Roosevelt
Rosa Parks
Smith Wigglesworth
Princess Diana
Nelson Mandela
Mother Teresa
C.S Lewis


and so many more...


Be inspired by those who have already paved the way.. Don't forget to dream, it's one of the few things that are free in this world.







Till next time
Xx
H

So it's the end of May... what the ??????

So today is the 31st May and I'm wondering where on earth the time has gone? I swear like yesterday I was celebrating New Years and today its almost June.. does each day actually happen? or do we sleep and only wake up every couple of days and that's why time goes so quickly? does time actually have wings?

I've been staring at the screen because I'm not sure what else to write..do I want to write about how my life is traveling at the speed of light? Yes, Do I want to write how I'm sure I was 18yrs old just yesterday? Yes.. but all that doesn't matter ...Today .....that's all that seems to matter.

Thats all
Xx

Good Sport ??

So today has been quite a lazy day because I stayed up most of the night writing up and submitting an assessment.. Arrrrrgh!

Tonight there was the annual equippers dodgeball competition, it was really good but i've definitely come to the conclusion that maybe i shouldn't play sport..hahaha! I love it and its so good being on a team, doing it together but i'm way to competitive with the other side and I don't like it when people cheat.

What am I talking about? I'm an Aussie I can't give up sport, I can't give up winning..haha.. maybe i'll just bite my tongue and not raise my voice.. yeah that sounds like a great plan...hahaha!

Cheers
H
Xoxox

Can I spell my own name?

So at church this morning Ps Mark was talking on the subject of Eternity..woah what a BIG subject and very difficult to comprehend with the human brain, especially as we only use 10% of it..imagine if we could use 100% even then i don't think i could understand Eternity....

A man named Arthur Stace was mentioned.. oh how i love his story, being a christian and from Sydney I had heard about him before but this afternoon i read up on his life a little more and I couldn't help but feel encouraged and emotional at the same time.

Arthur Stace - Mr Eternity

From the Gutter…

Arthur Stace was born in 1884, growing up poor in the Sydney suburb of Balmain his mother & father were both alcoholics. All his siblings (two sisters and two brothers) spent much of their life in jail with one of his sisters running a brothel.

He had almost no formal education and at the age of twelve he became a ward of the state. When he was fourteen he was already a wandering drunk and at fifteen he ended up in jail for the first time.

In his twenties his job was to carry booze from the pubs to the brothels (particularly his sisters’ brothel). Then there were other jobs such as a cockatoo (the one who gives warning of the approach of the police) at a two-up school. He was also mixed up with various housebreaking gangs and ,because of his size, he was very useful as a look out man.

..to the Gospel

During the Depression a metho drinker, dirty, badly dressed, had to be the least likely of any to get a job. The word had gone around that a cup of tea and something to eat was available at the Church Hall up at St. Barnabas - In the 1930s one would put up with almost anything for free food.

There were about 300 men present, mostly down and outs, but they had to endure an hour and half of talking before they received their tea and rock cakes.

Arthur Stace knew that his life was a mess and he knew that he needed to change. After the service was over, he crossed the road to Victoria Park where he sat under a tree and committed his life to Jesus Christ.

It was a few months later he heard the evangelist Reverend John Ridley speak who told his audience that men and women everywhere must think about Eternity and where they will spend it.

Stace recalling the day, said:

“He repeated himself and kept shouting ‘ETERNITY, ETERNITY’ and his words were ringing through my brain as I left the church. Suddenly I began crying and I felt a powerful call from the Lord to write ‘ETERNITY’.”

"I had a piece of chalk in my pocket and I bent down there and wrote it, the funny thing is that before I wrote it I could hardly have spelled my own name. I had no schooling and I couldn’t have spelt ‘ETERNITY’ for a hundred quid But it came out smoothly in beautiful copperplate script. I couldn’t understand it and I still can’t.”

The City Council had a rule against defacing the pavement and the police “very nearly arrested” him many times, he would tell them “But I had permission from a higher source”.

For 37 years, he chalked this ‘one-word sermon’ – and it is estimated he wrote it more than half a million times.

Stace did not like publicity and for years its was unknown who wrote the word Eternity through the city of Sydney.

To bring in the Millenium as apart of the Sydney fireworks display the word "Eternity" in all its glory was there for billions of people to see.

Reading this I could only ask myself one question "Can I spell my own name?" the answer is yes, so what is my excuse for not using the gifts God has given me. Arthur Stace couldn't even spell his own name and he touched the lives of billions of people...WOOOOOOOOOOW!!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Well here I am celebrating my 28th birthday (hannah pauses to sing the Happy Birthday song to herself and proudly does a 28th bday dance) and you know what it doesn't feel that bad, this year and for the first time ever I havn't had my usual "August freak out" ritual which would consist of a whole lot of thoughts about "What the heck i'm doing with my life?" OR "Whats my purpose in life?" OR just generally "Help Me God ... Help Me Help Me Help Me!!".


Thinking about it there are 2 main reasons why I havn't taken part in the usual birthday ritual this year:

1. I dont have the time.. hahaha..there is so much going on with the whole NZ move thing PLUS Leaving do's, holidays, Birthdays, Housewarmings, general catch ups with people, doctors appointments, prayer meetings...Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

2. I can see part of the plan.. I think the Freak Out ritual each year was because inside I was not only dealing with getting older but MORE SO the fact that i still didn't know what i wanted to do with my life and that frustrated me...I see part of the plan now which totally helps you to move forward...Yippee!

To be honest even though i havn't been through the freak out ritual this year i did (I feel like i'm at confession..hahaha) for a small split second go down the "closer to 30" thought pattern. Have you ever seen that F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode where Rachel turns 30?

If not you should..its really funny Rachel is totally freaking out and they are all there sitting at the kitchen table in Joey's apartment remenising about how they celebrated there 30th Birthdays.

Rachel gets to this point where she has figured it all out and feels much better about turning 30 because she doesn't want to start having kids till she's 35 but then she wants to be married for a couple of years so thats about 33 then it will take a year to plan the wedding thats 32 but then she's gunna wanna be with the guy for about 2 years before so that leaves her till she's 30 then she gets alittle sad and breaks up with her boyfriend because time is running out..hahahahahaha!

Although its funny i did have that moment where i was going through it all in my head for me and i figured out that i probably wont start to have kids till i'm 34 or 35..hahaha..then i thought whats the point of getting caught up about something i don't (at this moment and maybe never will) have any control over - life is for living and as long as I'm living it for God all the rest will sort itself out!

Which leads me to **cough cough** (hannah clears her throat)

Ladies and Gentleman I propose a toast to..... myself (of course).... May the next year be full of new adventours, new friendships and new glimpses of my creator. Take my advice Hannah - don't be so hard on yourself, keep trusting God and listen to him, love people and never stop laughing at yourself.

Till next time my friends

Hanski

Xx

Independence comes from being dependant

Well i haven't blogged for a while.. man time goes by when your having fun..hahaha! Can you believe it is August already?? CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY!!!!!!

So this last weekend has been super crazy as I damaged my back on Friday afternoon somewhere between going to the gym and getting up to make a cuppa tea at 4pm, it is the weirdest thing i've experienced for a while. I felt shooting pain in my back followed by shaking, the sweats and a quick pep-talk to myself about not passing out OR vomiting.

To cut a long long long story short, this is what happened:

- My friend Lorraine found me in the kitchen & helped me to her desk, I couldn't walk

- There was a decision made that an ambulance get called

- The only option to walk out of the office was by inhaling gas and holding onto a paramedic

- Multiple tears were had in the A & E waiting room

- Ps Mark & Monica came to look after me and keep me company

- Got wheeled around the hospital by Monica trying to find a disabled toilet that was actually open, i think it was the 3rd one in the end.

- Was told I had a sprained muscle in my back and had an infection, got given alot of medication.

Somewhat of a surreal night really..heehehe

I try not to worry about why this happened to me? Or What does this mean? deep down inside i think i know why but the thing that i have had to really tackle through this whole experience is laying down my independence. When you are injured you obviously can't do everything like you used to, you need help, you have to rely on people to get you things, to drive you places and even to help you walk or get up from your chair - what is it about that type of dependence on people that makes me cringe, I suppose nobody wants to be the charity case do they. Which is stupid because they are your friends so your not a charity case AND if they were in your position you would do exactly the same thing...so really its silliness but more importantly i think its pride.

We are all independent in one way or another but it got me thinking about being less proud, less dependent on myself, on my thoughts, my ways and more dependent on God! By being fully dependent on God it allows us to be independent, free to live this life for him that's bursting at the seems, living to the max, guided by and open to the Holy Spirit without restraint...Now that's gutsy and i like it!! hahaha!

So how do you fully depend on God and not on your own strength, your own achievements, your own intellect, your own talents...I think KNOWING God helps..like really knowing that he loves you and wants the best for you then your more likely to trust him with everything. Its also got to be a choice every day, sometimes every second of everyday - if not its that picture of giving the steering wheel of your life over to God, giving him the permission to drive but then somehow slowly and ever so creepingly (is that a word???) seeing your hands get back on the steering wheel.

I'm not sure i have all the answers to how you be dependent on God but I think it happens when we realise that we can't do this life how he intended without him. Just acknowledging that is a start..

Xxx

To my Mum - A women like no other

I dedicate this, my first EVER post, to my dearest Mother!! The reasons are many but the main one being I want the world to know how great she is and I want to honour her today on her 21st birthday ..well ok i may have got the number muddled but it IS her birthday..haha!!

My mum is an amazing women - she is beautiful, passionate, she knows how to love without limits, lets face it she's a little crazy but she has the balance of being independant yet fully dependant on God and when I think about who I am I know that I have alot to thank my mum for.







Me & my Mumma








The mother-daughter relationship is beautiful, can be strained at times, a God ordained design, exciting, fragile, magnificent and an incredibly special thing. When i think of my mum's relationship with her mum I know that she didn't have this experience - it was very different, there was no real room for emotions or affections. I thank God that my mum made the choice to be different, to be affectionate, to tell us that she loves us and not keep it a secret.

Some of the many things I love about my mum are:

• She's a Women of Prayer - I'll never forget the many mornings I had as a teenager awaking to the sweet subtle sounds of Hillsong playing in the background harshly interrupted by my mothers loud voice in prayer OR the many times I didn't know about when she would stay up praying for me until the early morning because I told her I was going to sleep over a friends house for the night, unknown to her I was galavanting around town getting drunk with my friends.
  
  
• She's Everything - Being a single mother of 3 girls couldn't of been easy but my mum had to be everything - The mum, The dad, The breadwinner, The decision-maker, The strength, The friend, The disciplinary, The hope, The joy, The comforter...everything!! The funny thing is that in some way or another, to me, she still is all those things.
  
  
• She's Adventurous - She knows how to live life to the max and even though she is 60 something she's not letting that stop her, together we have traveled to Israel, Egypt, Denmark, Sweden, Italy, Malta, Spain PLUS on her own account she has been to India, Indonesia, Romania, Hungary, the US, all around England and later this year is going to Sudan.
  
  
  
  
  
  In Alicante (Spain)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  On a cruise down the Thames
  
  
  
  Mum's "excited about being @ Wimbledon" face
  
  
  
  
• She Lead the way - I'll never forget how my mum would always drive us to primary school everyday and just as we were coming to the front of the school she would pray with us always ending with " and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
  
  
• She's the steward - When I was thinking of leaving Sydney and moving to London, because I was scared I was kind of resting on the fact that I thought my mum wouldn't want me to go. To my shock my mum thought it was a great idea, she started telling me of her stories about living in London and travelling when she was my age, she even went to the garage and grabbed her old slides out.
  My mum has never clung onto us and wrapped us in cotton wool - she loves us so much but she has always known that we are effectively Gods and that she is the steward that he has chosen.
  

So I propose a toast to my mum, the most beautiful, rock-solid, God-fearing, fun loving, life living women that's ever been in my life. It has been far from a perfectly smooth & straight road but you have always been there and by God's grace everything turned out great.

Much Love
Hannah
xoxoxox